The War of An American Teen Assessment
Justin Carlson
1) I believe my strongest change in my poem critique process was turning the stanza;
An American teen,
A common soldier,
Both have to be keen,
Both, just names in a folder,
into;
An American teen,
A common soldier,
Not hear just seen,
Both, just names in a folder,
With this change I believe I deepened the meaning of the entire poem. I used this line to show that teens and soldiers aren’t listened to. They are just told what to do. Both of them basically belong to the government. In this poem I made this change because it also sounded cheesy. Why would both of them have to be keen? It doesn’t match up with the stanza or is corresponding to anything near it. I believe it was just a failed attempt at searching for rhymes. I believe I needed to slow it down and make it have a stronger meaning to it.
2) One of my most important parts of my poem in my creation process was taking the stanza;
Problems faced every day,
By you and me,
For we do not dismay,
We search to see,
To become:
But
How
Does
One
Help?
I believe this part left a lot more for me to say than the first part did. At first I didn’t put a solution how to fix the problem that the Teens and Soldiers go through yet I believe once I put that in it gave me a perfect set up to get near the conclusion to lead to the climax to show how we can fix these problems. So I believe without this line my poem would have been incomplete and it wouldn’t have a strong enough message. This was a very strong part of my poem and its recitation.
3) I changed most of the entire stanza with the same thought at bay from:
All that’s needed is a Thank you,
A small appreciation,
A lesson to stick to,
Left from mother’s impression
To this:
All they need is a little help,
To know that we care,
To rally oneself,
To see their voices aren’t just air,
The first line was very cheesy and I believe many didn’t get it when they read it. I believe the rhyme scheme in it was a failed attempt to put my thoughts that I had just onto paper but with deep thought I turned that deep thought into a beautiful line that could maybe inspire others because it inspired me I believe that this inspired me because it’s a true thing that we should all follow and we should always appreciate someone for what he has done even if doesn’t seem like it was that big of a thing. No matter how big or small I believe someone should be appreciated for most of his duties and achievements. That’s why I thought this line change was important the poetic repetition is also very strong in this stanza.
Change throughout the poem:
My poem’s perspective has changed a good bit since the beginning of its making. At first I attempted to make it sound depressing and make it give tribute in a melancholy tone. After reading this through I wanted to show tribute by making it sound chivalrous, gallant and then make it sound serious and depressing at the end to remember the problem. I incorporated the same line throughout the poem to press a thought into the brain and then I showed a solution to this problem that than made it joyous and it was ended with the line, both just names in a folder showing that the solutions have never been acted upon. I believe I mainly went from trying to depress the audience into trying to inspire the audience. I believe inspiration is way stronger than depression. I believe in my poem the main changes that I haven’t already shown was the tone of the poem. Through all of these changes I am very proud of my poem.
Justin Carlson
1) I believe my strongest change in my poem critique process was turning the stanza;
An American teen,
A common soldier,
Both have to be keen,
Both, just names in a folder,
into;
An American teen,
A common soldier,
Not hear just seen,
Both, just names in a folder,
With this change I believe I deepened the meaning of the entire poem. I used this line to show that teens and soldiers aren’t listened to. They are just told what to do. Both of them basically belong to the government. In this poem I made this change because it also sounded cheesy. Why would both of them have to be keen? It doesn’t match up with the stanza or is corresponding to anything near it. I believe it was just a failed attempt at searching for rhymes. I believe I needed to slow it down and make it have a stronger meaning to it.
2) One of my most important parts of my poem in my creation process was taking the stanza;
Problems faced every day,
By you and me,
For we do not dismay,
We search to see,
To become:
But
How
Does
One
Help?
I believe this part left a lot more for me to say than the first part did. At first I didn’t put a solution how to fix the problem that the Teens and Soldiers go through yet I believe once I put that in it gave me a perfect set up to get near the conclusion to lead to the climax to show how we can fix these problems. So I believe without this line my poem would have been incomplete and it wouldn’t have a strong enough message. This was a very strong part of my poem and its recitation.
3) I changed most of the entire stanza with the same thought at bay from:
All that’s needed is a Thank you,
A small appreciation,
A lesson to stick to,
Left from mother’s impression
To this:
All they need is a little help,
To know that we care,
To rally oneself,
To see their voices aren’t just air,
The first line was very cheesy and I believe many didn’t get it when they read it. I believe the rhyme scheme in it was a failed attempt to put my thoughts that I had just onto paper but with deep thought I turned that deep thought into a beautiful line that could maybe inspire others because it inspired me I believe that this inspired me because it’s a true thing that we should all follow and we should always appreciate someone for what he has done even if doesn’t seem like it was that big of a thing. No matter how big or small I believe someone should be appreciated for most of his duties and achievements. That’s why I thought this line change was important the poetic repetition is also very strong in this stanza.
Change throughout the poem:
My poem’s perspective has changed a good bit since the beginning of its making. At first I attempted to make it sound depressing and make it give tribute in a melancholy tone. After reading this through I wanted to show tribute by making it sound chivalrous, gallant and then make it sound serious and depressing at the end to remember the problem. I incorporated the same line throughout the poem to press a thought into the brain and then I showed a solution to this problem that than made it joyous and it was ended with the line, both just names in a folder showing that the solutions have never been acted upon. I believe I mainly went from trying to depress the audience into trying to inspire the audience. I believe inspiration is way stronger than depression. I believe in my poem the main changes that I haven’t already shown was the tone of the poem. Through all of these changes I am very proud of my poem.